C'mon now

Well, now that Christmas is over, I am once again back in Memphis.  Just doing some laundry at the local laundromat and sipping some (strong) apple cider.  Two spruce leaves, 4 raspberries, 3 apple seeds, and one cup of club soda.  Learned that one from my Aunt Tassie.  Wait one second, my laundry needs to be switched.                                                          Okay, I'm back.  So about that cider.  If you would like some--and I know you do, honey, cuz you've got that look on your face like you're gonna hop on a baby walrous--then you're in luck.  Because tomorrow begins the epic journey of Zydrunas' Apple Cider and Other Somethings.  Mention this post, and I'll give you 32% off your first purchase.  So stop waiting for that special someone to ask your hand in marriage.  Come on over and make your dreams come true.  Go Redskins!

Talk about gold-toe socks! Man!

Some hooligan sent me a telegram the other day asking for a barrel of salted pork.  Like I have salted pork!  The last time I tasted it was in Berlin, 1982.  So sorry to sink your ship, hooligan personage.  But it had to be done before someone decided to wiretap me.  You can never be too careful when someone is about to tap you with a wire...those things are pokey.  Now do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself about, that's what it's all about, budoom boom boom, turkey fries, turkey fries, oh, turkey-turkey fries.  And chaps, lots of chaps with the hoodlum pony tail.  You've got issues, my friend, if you don't scrape the apple sauce from the sides of the bowl.  Get all you can get, know what I mean?  So yeah, I love rodeos and keychains.  They really throw me for a loop-de-loop.  Like yesterday, when I chainsawed my neighbor's lawnmower.  He didn't particularly like that.  Whoops.  How the heck am I supposed to know a lawnmower from a minotaur?  Give me a break, Buddy Holly.  There's no where in Toledo that I'm falling for that one.

#youwishyouwereme

Title

If you will notice the title of this post...I am simply putting what it tells me to do every time I get on this site to share my infinite wisdom with our loyal readers. I checked the audience stats today. We have gone global. Someone from Thailand, a South Korean, even Germans....We are getting real famous these days.

I would like to share something very personal. It all started when I began studying the life of Jason Kramer, an ancient Jewish philosopher. I read his works, his biography, his autobiography, his birth certificate, his receipts, his journal, and even his lips. I started to feel this urge to have a lobotomy. Remove it, I say. Help me learn to be as the birds. That's what Jason always told me. And it shall be. I will begin today. A real lobotomy. I'll use the kitchen silverware and the garden tools to begin. Wish the best of all lucks, and the nicest of all girlfriends.

Here is Jason Kramer.

The younger years...

How I admire thee, Jason. Live long and dolphin.

Reflections on a posterior life event embodied in the transcendental existentialism of a happy-go-lucky Italian café

The rhino.
It calls me.
Calls me from Rhode Island
Where there are no oysters
And no meanies to call you names.

I tread the path
That leads to nowhere,
But somewhere I see
Somebody watching.
Watching from the garage.

Don't step there.
It's not made to eat a side
Of sycamore jellybeans.
Get my vibe?
Yep.

Still calling me.
But where do I go?
Lead me on, Mr. Squiggles,
And I will find my place
In Cyprus.  Just you wait.

There are no pots in Istanbul.
Why?  Don't they like rice?
This is killing me from inside.
Like a mason jar
Running over with sprinkles.

Twinkle, twinkle, little orphan.
No, I don't have any money.
Or blueberries, but I do have
Thumbs.  Don't you wish
You could smell like me?

The rhino.
It beckons.
Beckons me from Rhode Island.
But wait.
I am in Kentucky.

© 2012 by Zydrunas Ficklepuff

For Better or Worse

If you say so....

Did it happen that way? Is it what you would say? Is there anything that could happen this day in a way that could may-be make clay eat a dog a day and dance in the fray of the dress of a hai-tian. Ok, enough of that. Here's the dealio. I am not what you think. I know that time you saw me meditating in my room was inspirational, but here's what really happened...

I came into the room, and walked towards my bed. It was a cushion placed upon a springy box thing. I got on and thought of the many animals I had placed in the animal shelter. Oh how I missed them. I closed my eyes and saw Johnny two feet, the dog that got his front two legs cut off by a lawn mower. He was a happy puppy. Then it happened. The ground shooked. Shooked!!!!!!!! And I fell onto the floor. I got up and then closed my eyes as I crossed my legs indian style. Eating an apple can't be the worst thing to do if you're Jewish. Or....no. NEVER!!!!!


Dance the night away.

Just dance.

I've never met you, like I've never met many hampsters.