$287.45. That's how much my phone company says I owe them. Well, then, let's do some more math! 2 = the number of customer service people I made cry this morning while talking about my phone bill. 5 = the number of emails I've received in the last 24 hours from the company, warning me that they will shut off my service if I don't pay my bill. 18 = how many sleeves of Oreos I've eaten today. I eat when I get nervous. So think about that, phone company. Think about your phones and wires and computers and minutes and bills and water coolers and lawyers and buildings and janitors and paper clips. Then think about me. A loyal customer of over 2 months. And what do I get? I get negative money, is what I get. That's basically what's happening here. I use your stupid phone and you give me negative money. THIS IS NOT HOW THE WORLD WORKS!!! But don't worry. I am currently facebook stalking one of your customer service personnel and I plan on using their photos to blackmail them into dropping my bill. #boom
But no more of stressful things. They are not healthy. "The man who eats a thousand shrimp cannot enjoy the steady drop of the locust tree" (Bedouin proverb). So true. The Bedouins are my heroes. I once stayed a fortnight at Abbu Dhabi camp in northeastern Arabia. They fed me honey, peas, and deep-fried camel innards. I can still taste it all. And you know what the best part was? They didn't care if my pockets were full of wrenches or not. They cared about the shape of my jaw, nothing else. Yes, I was a free man then. But no more. Now I am a slave to the laundromat, night and day. Oh, woe is me! When I feel like this, there is only one thing that keeps me going--it is a voice from heaven...
Yeah. Yup. I'm gonna fly like an eagle, and nobody can stop me. I will soar to the highest of heights, just like ol' Abe Lincoln. Look out, world, cuz you ain't seen nothing yet.
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